Starting and I will complete end.
One day you are walking along the deck of the ship when you hear a loud bang. You start to run as you see smoke coming from the far end of the ship. You run towards the room where your patients are waiting to receive treatment from the doctor. Just as you arrive at the door to their room you hear another loud bang and you...
start speed talking and what is happened and the I run out side see if it is fire and I say "it is a fire!" oh no I better tell the people on the ship to get out of the ship I need tell them QUICK! GET OUT OFF THE SHIP IT IS A FIRE!!!!! I screamed they couldn't hear me oh no the fire is getting bigger and I they have fallen a sleep let me go up the ship oh no (getting up the ship) now I am finally up the ship that was tiring now I need to RUN to tell the people on the ship I SCREAM FIRE!!!! and they got up and I said come to the land there is fire on your ship the people said OH NO they all ran down and then all the people started putting out the fire and I went to get the treatment for the patients.
I wrote if I was a doctor and there was a ship on fire what would I do.
Hi Mehakpreet,
ReplyDeleteWow, that was a tense story Mehakpreet. I loved how you were able to tell the reader who you were in the story and what exactly was occurring. I felt like I was really there. I hope all the patients were okay!
Great use of bold letters and exclamation marks too. It really helps the reader engage and visual the story. Very effective!
Will there be a sequel? :D
Cadence :)
I like the way that you are making a story for the summer learing program continue the great work
ReplyDeleteKia Ora Andrew,
DeleteThanks for another great comment, do you have any thoughtful suggestions you could offer Mehakpreet to help her improve her already wonderful blog post?
I'll keep an eye on this and if you can give her a thoughtful suggestion, I'll be sure to reward you another 2 extra points :)
Keep it up Andrew!
I think that you can improve your story by using punctuation,it would make it easier to read. I like how you write like I am there on the ship too.
Delete